The Post Where She Tries to Explain Her Husband to Regular People
Anyone who has spent more than 46 seconds with my husband knows that he has a quirky, unstoppable, inimitable, sometimes unfollowable, and other times pinpoint accurate way of looking at the world.
Time spent talking to him was described to me once as, “A mental roller coaster. Like Space Mountain in the dark.”
I was thankful for the person who said that because he got it. There’s nothing better than someone who “gets” you. Not a lot of people get my husband. He uses hand gestures, visual aids and reenacts parts of movies to help you along. But sometimes they still don’t get it. Really, people? I can only imagine how your geometry teacher must have felt.
Because of this, oftentimes listening to him is like trying to tune in a radio from the middle of a cornfield. You can almost get it, but the farm report from the next station is turning Black Eyed Peas into a Rick Dee’s Weekly Top 40 discourse on declining crop conditions.
I’m so 3008
Soybeans 2000 and late
Gotta get that boom boom boom
Corn futures boom boom boom
Bottom line is, corn production is down, but it has a good beat and you can dance to it.
Other times, he makes such an excellent and well-articulated point that you want to elect him to office. A prime example is the year I was taking an architecture class. Mid-semester I suddenly declared a change in my life’s manifesto to include crocheting hats for the Third World; thereby nixing my original intention of line dancing across America.
I mean, how is the Third World going to benefit from an American line dancer? Surely what they need are more hats … and architects, definitely more architects.
He said he had some concern that I was becoming – to quote him directly – “an inch deep and a mile wide.” I considered this phrase for a moment while I was punching him in the gut, and realized, huh. I kinda AM.
But, alas, this isn’t about me! (And don’t even think about asking about the damn hats. All the best manifestos are written in pencil.)
To his credit, this man, as befuddling and enlightening as he can be, has always had a single vision.
I’ll be honest. I’m in this gig 21 years and I still don’t really know what his single vision is, so let’s just go with World Domination.
Speaking of World Dominators, morph together a slightly younger Al Gore and Phineas & Ferb’s Dr. Doofenshmirtz. Good looking, clearly has a plan, but it’s never clear what that plan might be. People might call my husband crazy, but when the earth’s climate takes a turn for the worst and his Global Cool-inator saves the galaxy, you’ll be saying, “Ooooooohhhh … that’s what he was trying to tell us!”
By now, my betrothed is reading this thinking, “I thought this would be delightful romp of a commentary into understanding me better. But it’s really just more confusing. I think I’ll go have a spoonful of peanut butter and ponder my rebuttal.”
I don’t blame him. I forgot where I was going with this too.
Oh yes, of course! Today is his birthday. And what do you get Al Doofenshmirtz for his birthday?
I don’t know either. So, as of this moment, it’s a loving blog post for the man who has – and is – everything.
I love you like a mental roller coaster.